40-Watt-Hero

Fear is something that resides within us all. Fear keeps us alive. Fear keeps us from following dangerous paths and keeps us from doing things that hurt us. Fear is evolution. Fear kept the backwards people that we were from being eaten by lions. Fear kept us out of the storms. Fear ensured that we would continue our lives. Fear is something that I have been thrust headlong into in the recent weeks. Fear of feelings and pain and the unrequited. In my life I have seen the pain of feelings and the unrequited. It is in the past weeks that this fear has been screaming to me of that danger or pain that may lurk down the path I've been treading..

These moments of bliss are so rare and precious. These moments are not mine. They never will be... I feel broken, alien, different. In the past number of days I've seen wonderful, amazing women taken for granted, forgotten about, verbally spat upon, cheated on, and misunderstood. These things baffle me, and cause me confusion, frustration, and anger. These moments make me ashamed of my friends and ashamed of the world. I feel strange, foreign, and lost in translation. In the past number of days I've seen wonderful, amazing women in love with people that don't deserve them. These things baffle me, and cause me loneliness, sadness, and lament

Somewhere between now and my last post my world has turned to shit. It seems I'm incapable of separating sex and emotion. I guess I'm just not wired that way. I fell for my fuck-buddy, and I fell hard. The strange thing is, I can't even tell you why or how. It has to be sex thing, best blow-job ever. Anyway, my fuck-buddy, the girl I fell for is now in love with who used to be one of my best friends. AND...this friend happens to be a lesbian. Fucked up, huh? Now heart break I can deal with. I've become somewhat of an expert on the subject. If they had belts for that sort of thing I would no doubt have a very, very black one, and likely resid